STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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