thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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