the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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