I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
