Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
