I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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