Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
