I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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