i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
