Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize