Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
