i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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