If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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