I hate your face
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
