Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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