help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
