Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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