I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
