I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
