Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
