I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
