Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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