dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
