you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
