i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
