I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
