last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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