I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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