Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
