I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
