hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
