I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
