I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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