We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
