sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i came on her dog
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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