I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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