Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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