dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
