Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
