Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
