I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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