i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
