you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
