You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
