she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
