Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
