how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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