i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
