Your face is a jimmy john
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
