My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
