erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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