So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
