I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're too hungover to prance.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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