On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
