I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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