Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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