I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
