My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
