Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
