Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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