New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
