it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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