I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
