Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
