Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
