ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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