i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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