were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
