Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
