Pappa wants mamma naked
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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