we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
