She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
