He is an equal opportunity slut.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
