dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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