Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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