meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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