i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
