Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
